Mirror Phase

What is the phase in Child Development Theory that toddlers finally understand that just because someone has walked out of a room, they haven’t vanished forever? The way things changed since I Ieft post have been unsettling; as though I expected Manigri to remain static during my prolonged absence this summer. My ‘sister’ Rafia (17) moved out of Mama's house and to Oke, where she's living with her 'husband.' Mama Victoire is now Mama Ines. The new baby is soft and sweet and smells like every other baby I've ever held. Sidou has a new baby brother, now there is a Mama Edison. Jo Jo is starting primary school, and he was so upset about it he hasn't been the same kid. It’s like he finally realized that at some point he's going to have to stop running through the bush naked. He's going to have to grow up; the inertia of the world is far too strong for him and his big belly.

The last time I was here it was the Fete for Ramadan. I live in an all-Christian concession, and so I had to seek out people to celebrate with. I ended up going to Bassila to see Mazou and a few of his friends. We saw a soccer game and ate at my favorite buvette despite the fact that we were invited to swankier restaurant nearby. Yvette, a tanti from Camp Sucess, was there in meme tissue with her friends. She chasitized me for not calling her to tell her I was in town. I smiled because I knew that it wouldn't have made any difference. She's too much of a big shot for me. Manigri was so loud, the air vibrated. I couldn't hear the bleats of goats over the stereos pumping and pilees pounding. Mama made cous cous and goat that actually tasted almost good. I have never been a fan of her cooking. It always makes me a little queasy. Perhaps it was the goat tooth I found in the bushes after throwing up my first night at post. Or perhaps it's just that she actually doesn't care how food tastes, just that it gets made.

Mama's little buvette literally exploded over the summer. She received a loan from her savings and loans group facilitated by (Danish NGO) Bornefonden. She built a small concrete store, where she now sells a lot of liquor and things such as detergent, cous cous, spaghetti, sardines, mayonnaise- basically all of the things that the other stores in Manigri sell. This has greatly dampened my incentive to go into Oke or even into greater Ikanyi since I've arrived back. Why go searching for toilet paper when... Oh yes, she sells toilet paper too. Just steps outside my door. I can yell from my couch and magically it appears in Gi's hands, his grinning face peering through my screen door. As a result I haven't seen my Nagot ladies in a long time, and I haven't gone to salue anyone but Olivier and the Director. Edwidge and her family moved to another town up north, I forget the name, but the same place she was born. I have no idea who the new pastor is. Papa's cousin in Oke died a few weeks ago, I missed the ceremony. KoKaDa (my cat) is pregnant. It's just so strange to be so estranged from a place that is so strange, and yet I am the stranger.

Also, petit chaleur has begun. Right now the sky is threatening rain and I can see lightning bickering around the edges of my back wall, but it is so bright and hot in the sun. I still have full buckets of water almost every couple of days, which is a luxury I am unsure as to how I ever lived without. Harmattan will be here soon and it will grow cold. I smile thinking about how during December the professors would show up at school in their down jackets and hats, asking me how I liked the cold. I always told them I loved it, that it pleased me, that I thought it was so much better than the heat. They'd laugh and shake their heads at my enthusiasm for the la frecheur. I wonder if it will feel as good this year, or if I too will be showing up dressed like a zemidjian, rubbing my hands together as if over a fire.

I have begun working on planning a bike tour for the Donga Region. I'd like to do about seven or eight hand-washing formations from Bassila to Aledjo and then up to possibly Djougou this Harmattan. After that I will begin planning the "Best Pratices: Camp BLOW and Camp GLOW" workshop for January. Then it's monthly meetings for Camp Sucess and Camp Espoir until July. Oh, and teaching. Of course. And Girls' Club, bien sur.

I have no fear that as I become habituated again I will venture out farther from the confines of my concession and experience more. There are always ceremonies and babies and school activities to go to. There are always people to have late evening conversations with about America, race, gender, development, time and, mostly, the familiar sound of silence. There are a lot of things in my periphery. I just want to focus on the most important ones, which are all right in front of me. My work, my friends, and my life in Manigri.

"We ought to see that the work that needs doing for [the poor] in their misery, not as mere "good work", but as a duty that must not be shirked." Albert Schweitzer.